'no' means 'no'

 

What is consent?

Indiana State University believes that all sexually activity should be consensual.  Therefore, consent must be obtained prior to engaging in any sexual activity, and for each new sexual activity.  Any sexual act that occurs without consent may be considered a sexual assault and/or misconduct. 

       ·         It is the responsibility of the initiator to obtain consent.  All students are encouraged to communicate openly about what they do and do not want.  Students may be held responsible for NOT OBTAINING consent.  Students will not be held responsible if they do not GIVE consent.

       ·         If the sexual interaction is mutually initiated, both parties are equally responsible for getting and giving consent. 

       ·         The use of alcohol and other drugs does not minimize a student’s responsibility for perpetrating sexual assault or misconduct.  Being under the influence of alcohol or any other drug does not excuse behavior.  In particular, it does not mitigate or nullify a charge of sexual assault or sexual misconduct.

       ·         Consent is required for each separate sexual activity (i.e. kissing, touching, penetration).  Any party has the right to give consent for specific activities and not others.

       ·         Everyone has the right to change their mind and withdraw consent at any time.

       ·         Consent is not valid if the person is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, is mentally impaired, is underage, or has experienced the explicit or implied use of force, coercion, threats, and/or intimidation.

       ·         The ability to give consent freely may also be jeopardized if the initiator is in a position of power over the student, such as a professor, employer, or functioning in a supervisory capacity.

       ·         Silence is not consent.

You need to get consent for any sexual activity or intimate contact - not just sexual intercourse. This includes kissing and touching. Grabbing someone’s breasts, genitals or buttocks is sexual assault, so is making someone touch you.

Any form of sexual activity with another person without her or his consent is sexual assault.

* No means No *
* Silence means No *
* Drunk means No *
* Not Now means No *

How To ask for consent

Don't make assumptions about what someone wants sexually. Some people say it spoils the mood to stop and ask someone if he/she wants to have sex. This excuse avoids responsibility. Getting consent and talking about sex with your partner is important for intimacy. Better communication will improve your relationship and your sex life.

Wouldn't you rather know before you do something if the person wants it?

Don't wait until it's too late to find out. 
Keep yourself and your partner safe.
Show respect.

Ask:

·         Can I kiss you?

·         Could I hold your hand? 

·         Are you interested in exploring a sexual relationship with me?

·         Do you want to have sex? 

·         How far do you think you would be comfortable going? 

·         Have you ever done…? Would you like to try this with me? 

·         I'd really like to… what do you think? 

·         You seem quiet, are you sure?

'No' Messages to Listen For

·         Non-verbal messages

·         Discomfort

·         Lack of eye contact

·         Crossing arms or not responding (think freezing with fear or anxiety)

Verbal Statements:

·         I'm not sure if I'm ready.

·         I don't know if I want to. 

·         I think I've had too much to drink. 

·         I'm scared.

'Yes' Messages

·         Yes, that would be wonderful.

·         I feel the same way as you. 

·         I want you to… 

·         I feel good about this. 

·         I am ready to…

People Change Their Mind

Even if someone has said yes; he/she still has the right to change their mind. If someone says stop, then STOP.

·         I'm uncomfortable means STOP

·         That hurts means STOP 

·         I don't want to do this anymore means STOP

 

how to say no

Be direct

·         I don't want to have sex right now.

·         I am not comfortable with you touching me, please stop.

·         I am no longer comfortable doing this. Please stop.


Be proactive

·         I am not sure where this is going yet, but I want us to talk about our expectations.

·         I appreciate you inviting me over/offering to walk me home. I just want to be clear that this does not mean I am going to have sex with you.


If you like him/her

·         I like you a lot, but I am not ready for a sexual relationship.

·         I want to get to know you better before I consider sex. How about we go to a movie?


Be clear about your limits.

·         You may agree to have some forms of sexual activity but not others. If the person tries to go further than you agreed to, firmly say STOP. Do not apologize. Remember its okay to change your mind.


Respond assertively to guilt tactics or pressure

·         I have already told you that I am not interested in having sex.

·         You are not listening to me/respecting me.

·         Stop trying to convince me, I am not going to change my mind.

·         Whether I like/love you is not the issue. 

When he/she won't stop after you have said NO 

·         STOP (raise your voice). I am leaving/ I want you to leave.


If you cannot leave, or the other person refuses to leave, then you are no longer safe. You cannot trust this person. Do whatever you can to get out of the situation. Stall by saying you have to go to the bathroom. Take your cell phone with you and make a phone call. Scream and yell for help if there is someone who might hear you.